Stephen Colbert Screams Out Mike Johnson’s First Fail newsfragment

Colbert identified that almost all American citizens need bans on assault-style guns and for Congress to do so to prohibit extra lump shootings, but nobody on all sides of the aisle has effectively blocked them from going down.

“So, ask your representative, ‘What will you do?’ If they don’t have an answer immediately at hand, if they say it’s too soon to talk about this, that means they’ve never really given it any serious thought. Because they’ve had plenty of time since Uvalde and Marjory Stoneman Douglas and Sandy Hook and the Pulse nightclub. So if they don’t have an answer now, they will never have an answer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

He expressed sadness over a deficit of unutilized concepts from lately elected Area speaker Mike Johnson, “a self-professed devoutly religious man,” who introduced minute relief to American citizens in a observation all through his first pace in place of job, which amounted to minute greater than ideas and prayers.

“We’re already capable of hope and prayer ourselves. You’re capable of governing, theoretically. And I’m sorry if that sounds like too hard of a job for you. If that seems like too hard of a job, you know who’s really got a hard job now? The people in Lewiston, Maine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“And there are very few people like Mainers. I know Mainers. I love Mainers. They’re strong people. They’ve got Moxie — literally, it’s the name of the official state soft drink. It tastes like carbonated cough syrup, but they drink it anyway, ’cause Mainers are tough. These are people whose idea of a beach is a collection of jagged rocks near freezing water. Their state flower, the Maine state flower — and this is true — is a frickin’ pine cone!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“And I dare anyone in power to show a fraction of the courage of all the families who have faced their tragedies and faced our failure to change.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Republicans yesterday elected Mike Johnson the 56th speaker of the House, which is crazy ’cause a month ago, we were only at 12.” — SETH MEYERS

“Meanwhile, earlier today, Mike Johnson met with President Biden for the first time since becoming speaker. Johnson is pretty famous for being an election denier, so it got pretty awkward when he said, ‘Good to meet you, ‘President Biden. ’” — JIMMY FALLON

“But the meeting was very friendly. Biden even invited Johnson to pet his dog.” — JIMMY FALLON

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